Sunday, March 6, 2011

Something new...and a painful realization.

Today, I tackled one of my new year's resolutions...trying something new. I went to a Zumba class. Now I realize I'm one of the last people on the face of the earth who hasn't tried this, but I've been really busy perfecting my couch potato regimen. In an attempt to make good on my first resolution (lose weight), I've been adding physical activity to my life. I figured it was time to give Zumba a try.

I sat in the parking lot for a while before I went in the studio. I was nervous. I mean, shaking hands and sick to my stomach nervous. What if I make a fool of myself? I can't dance. And I'm fat and out of shape.I won't be able to keep up. Everyone will laugh at me.

I know. I sound like a high schooler. You know what? I wasn't this self-conscious when I was a high schooler! I haven't always been so inhibited. I used to be self assured, more willing to take a risk here and there. But now, I'm soooo terrified of being judged by others.

Here's what I think happened. Somewhere along the way, I became a very critical, judgemental person. Even though I've worked really  hard at being much more less critical, it still creeps up way too often. In turn, I think everyone is judging me.  The fact is, most people don't give a big hoot about what I'm doing. It's not always about me. I have to remember that.


As I've been thinking about this today, I came to a really big realization. My fear of being judged by others has caused me to miss out on so many wonderful opportunities, and it has caused me to not do the will of God. Just today, I could clearly hear the Spirit telling me to invite this couple to our Sunday School class. And I didn't. I was too afraid of rejection, of looking stupid. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me, just in the last few days. Like most fears, it is destructive and debilitating.

There is absolutely no substance to my fear. I went to Zumba, had a great time, and I am certain that not only did no one make fun of me, everyone was super supportive of me. No one paid any attention to the dance skills or physical ability of anyone else. We just had fun.

I have to do more of that. I have to get past my fear of being judged and just do the things that need to be done. No one is paying attention to me. I'm not a celebrity followed by the paparazzi. I'm just a girl, trying to do the best I can...and so are all the other folks around me.

As we begin the Lenten season, that's going to be one of my goals:.to do things that make me uncomfortable. Step out of my box. Stop worrying about being judged.....and see what happens!

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