We are back in school today for the longest quarter of the year. I'm trying hard to keep my chin up and do my job well, but my heart isn't in it! I long to be at home, with my kids, having a luxurious breakfast, watching cartoons...just being with them.
My heart is so conflicted. No, that's incorrect. My heart knows what it wants. Its the rest of my life that isn't following suit. Yesterday, the mere thought of coming back to school sent me into a near anxiety attack. I prayed hard, and meditated on Matthew 6:33 (ESV), "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Today, I was greeted with this verse, Proverbs 3:6 (NLT), "Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."
So, I guess I need to quit wallowing in self pity, seek God's will in my life, and follow the path He puts forth for me. I have to put my fears aside and walk on faith in seeking God's kingdom and His desires for my life.
I still don't know what that means in terms of working vs. staying at home, but I know that I will have greater peace if I pursue God's will and put everything else aside.