Today's descent into madness began very innocently. John and I were having an interesting conversation at the dinner table tonight. First, let me preface this by saying we were the only people left at the dinner table at this point. The kids were running amok in the kitchen. Jack had a pair of Audrey's panties (?) and she was chasing him and Sam was whining about, well, I don't really know what. Anyway, we were trying to have an adult conversation, which, at this point, might be considered an Olympic sport. It ain't easy, people.
We were conversing about some people we know who have in essence, no real responsibilities. One had been to the chiropractor in the middle of the workday. One has a job that has no real positive impact on the world yet is paid a ridiculous amount of money. One has time in his/her life to workout, take long lunches, and a whole bunch of other stuff that might be a little too personal for me to share on this public forum.
"WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE DO ALL DAY? They have time to see a chiropractor, a therapist, go to the gym, tan, shop, freakin' eat LUNCH???? I go to work at 7 in the morning, leave at 5 in the evening, run home, fix dinner, clean it up, do the night time ritual, and fall into bed. I practically have to be on my deathbed before I go to a doctor, forget the chiropractor!!!!!"
John kind of looked at me funny. I guess I said it with a little more fire than I realized. Then, he high fived me. He's learning to just agree after ten years of similar outbursts.
Now, I'm really and truly not complaining about my life. I love it. Honest. But sometimes I wish I had a little more leisure time and a lot fewer demands on my time. I would love to linger over lunch rather than gulp down my Lean Cuisine in 20 minutes. I loathe doctor's appointments because they require me to ask the dragon lady for a sub, and then prepare for a sub only to come back to find that the sub did nothing I asked and left my room trashed. Last time I went to the chiropractor (umm...November???) I had to leave in the middle of my treatment to go pick up my kids. And the gym? Yes, I have driven past it. That's about it.
On the flip side, I started thinking about the reality of what I actually DO accomplish with my day. I read these magazine articles about women who come home after a long day at the office and work out for 120 minutes a day, then prepare yummy healthy meals that even their children enjoy. Others do fantastic volunteer work in their communities. Some work two jobs and raise these awesome children with fantastic values who go to Harvard. Some make homemade laundry detergent and granola and organic baby food and cloth diaper their children.
I feel like such a slacker. Such an impostor. I don't have enought time in my life to do anything more than work and shabbily tend to my children. Yet, what time I DO have I don't spend well. Sigh.