Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Total Humiliation

This weekend, I discovered the quickest route to complete and total humiliation. I went bridesmaid dress shopping for my sister-in-law's wedding with two other girls who are size 2's. I am NOT a size 2. Now, I haven't been a size 2 since some time in the early 1990's, perhaps even before then. There has been a 2 on my tag more recently, but it was preceded by a 1 and now those don't even exist in my closet.

So, we're perusing the racks and pulling dresses to try on. The conversation goes like this:
Skinny girl: "Here's a cute one. It's an 8. Will that work?"
Me: "Ummm...no. Here, let me look...."
SG: "Well, what size DO you need?"
Me: "Oh, I don't know how they'll run. Let me just look for a minute. I may need to take a couple of different sizes back with me." Notice my clever dodging of the size question? Yeah. They didn't.
SG: "Oh, I'll get it for you. What size do you think you need?"
Me (mumbling): "Maybe like a fourteen or ......."
SG: "REALLY??? A FOURTEEN????? Well, you did just give birth to twins. You look so good."(Lots of backpedalling and fake flattery...Blah, blah, blah...)

I hate to tell you, but the fourteen has NOTHING to do with giving birth to twins. I was there before the babies and I'm actually lighter now than I was a year ago. I think, and I'm no scientist, that it has something to do with the fact that I eat everything I see. Wouldn't you agree?

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